People have called me many things in my life to my face and most likely behind my back…..dreamer, unfocused, crazy, never satisfied, optimistic, pessimistic, too happy, depressed, impatient…… are the ones that stand out. Glad I never listened to them.
I have always lived within a world that exists only inside of me. I walk through life interacting and trying to appear normal and do normal things….it may or may not appear as such, as I can not tell looking through my lens. I have never cared about being popular, hanging with certain people or wearing certain things, none of that interests me. This does not mean I do not feel or can not connect, it is actually the opposite. I feel things so deeply it is hard to filter out other people’s emotions and energy when I am around them. So I prefer to be alone and create or with only the few people I allow in my circle, as most people drain me of all my energy.
My head swirls with ideas constantly….everyday everywhere I see opportunity and think “ I can make that better” “I could do that better”. These ideas and thoughts when expressed can be misinterpreted as a “dreamer” or crazy. I can be impatient, focused, distracted and even distant as I am combing through each new idea. I can assure you I could never act on all the ideas that cross my mind in one lifetime, so what you see me doing and talking about at any given time is just a grain of what really goes on in my mind.
To all the people who did and do not understand me, that’s ok, I do not expect you to understand and you have not held me back one bit with your negative vibes and words, you may have even fueled me a bit. Life is so much bigger and smaller than you think. Think about that for a minute.
To the few people that allow me to just “be” whether they understand or not, thank you.
My MS has changed me in so many ways. The connections being broken in my brain have allowed me work harder and push further than I ever would have before. To build new connections, different pathways in my brain that have allowed me to grow far beyond what I was before. I have trained myself to focus, to open up areas in my brain that were stagnant or were never going to be tapped into.
I used to sleep 10-14 hours a day and loved it. Now I only need 4-7 hours a day which allows for so much more time to create, think, do and yes…..DREAM. MS truly has opened doors for me that other wise would have remained locked, for this I am grateful.